Merry Christmas from the Land of the Morning Calm

Another year has come and gone in Korea and I am no closer to my goals than I was last year. I should probably be more upset by it, but honestly I feel like I am just getting started. I won't bother setting "resolutions" for the New Year. I will only say that I will try. I will try to do better every day. Maybe I will actually write this year. Maybe I will get back in school and back in the gym. Maybe I will just have another coffee and say, maybe tomorrow. For now, trying is enough for me. Maybe that is all life really is, all us of acting like we know what we're doing, all the while inside thinking, "fuck it! Let's see what happens." We take obscure leaps of faith hoping we fall into place. It's an odd sort of repetition, like babies learning to walk. We wobble, fall down, and then try again, a little different this time, until we figure it out or we give up. We either find that ability in our selves or we settle into a comfort zone from which we never come out. I'd rather be in the former category. So today I am just writing to write. Looking back on my past posts, I'm glad no one reads this shit. I mean some of it is good and some of it really isn't. This was suppose to be a blog for me to start honing my writing and it turned out more like a journal I never kept up with. I guess that's in part because I am lazy. It is also because I lost some of my drive. I have been working and settled into a routine and my hobbies fell to the waste-side. But it's Christmas and I feel like giving it another go. My husband made all my gifts this year about things I used to do, things I enjoy but kind of forgot about. It has reminded me that I can't let these things slip away; even if nothing ever comes of this, even if I never write a book that sells or have a real blog that people read. Writing and story telling have been at the center of my being for as long as I can remember. I won't let it quietly slip into the dark. I began reading early, mostly because my mother read to me from the time I was born. It's something that has stayed with me and kept me eternally curious. It was a well known joke in my house, when I was a child, that if you made eye contact with me I was probably going to talk your face off until you pawned me off on the next unsuspecting family member. My father always tells me how I would use my imagination to drum up stories to extend my bed time. I had a curiosity in me that has waxed and waned like the moon each month. All at once, my passion for writing is both a smoldering ember about to die out and a full blown forest fire. There are days when I am filled with words and thoughts, and there days that I stare at blank pages with nothing to say. I wonder if every aspiring writer feels that way. When you first become an "adult" you feel like you are behind. You grow up thinking you will go to school, get a job, start a family, have your shit together. The truth is, however, your 20's is when you find out who you really are, what you really want. It's a time to sort your shit out and get on the right track. Some rare people have a plan and they follow it to the letter. But the rest of us? Well, we're all just kind of winging it.